Turkeys

(Dedicated to Caitlin, who innocently asked why :)

In Peru I daily sustained the psychologically traumatizing outworkings of a desperate band of rogue turkeys. They began to focus the brunt of their energies on me soon after I arrived, although it took me a while to realize the sinister nature of their workings.

When I first staggered down the lane with my 5-gallon load of water, I was taken aback by the beady glare of the turkeys. I put a brave face on it, smiled at them, and even made peremptory gestures of friendship. The glares only increased in intensity, until I began to wonder if I wouldn't promptly be pickled by some photometric technique the conniving beasts had developed.

Besides the glare, this avian has perfected the deafening "group gobble": (a similar technique was used by the communists for intimidation). At some unidentifiable signal, the group explodes into a repetitive and rapid-fire string of invectives. One morning I believe I deciphered the following chant.

"There He Comes!" "HE COMES HE COMES HE COMES HE COMES!" (very fast)
"Grab Him!" "GRRRRRAB GRAB GRAB GRAB GRAB GRAB!" (deafening)
"We'll Stew Him!" "FOOOR LUNCH LUNCH LUNCH LUNCH LUNCH!" (terrifying)
"He's getting by us!" "HE LEAVES HE LEAVES HE LEAVES" (quite right my dear savages)
"Blood tomorrow!" "BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD!" (ah, alex would you get the water to-day?)

While the turkeys never actually attempted their dire threats on my person, they did sabotage me behind my back. While gone on a Christmas visa-renewal odyssey, the turkeys completely savaged the garden that Alex and I had cherished. They even had the gall to be picking at it's last remnants when we returned.

One morning when returning from a jog on the beautiful road that runs to Hierbas Buenas, I came galloping back down the last stretch of driveway to the guardians house, accompanied by the sinister group gobble and glare. In front of the old rickety steps which went up into the guardians house was a largish area of mud, which we generally took care to avoid: infused as it was with turkey refuse. On this
occasion I threw caution to the wind and went to take a running leap onto the old rickety porch. My left foot never left the ground, and I crashed to the earth and slid halfway under the steps. The gobble resounding in my ears, and the refuse coating my entire backside, I closed my eyes and made a lasting oath of enmity.

Deeply sad as it was to leave Peru, I was glad enough to leave the turkeys behind.
The drive from Boston to my home in Maine was wonderful, and I was filled with nostalgia as we turned into our driveway. Mom suddenly askedbarry to stop the car so I could go pet the neighbours "tommy", whom I genially supposed to be the dog or the cat, the bunny or even an armadillo. I acquiesced until I caught sight of "Tommy", when I charitably asked that we continue down the driveway. Oh heavens, no, Mom, NO i'm NEVER going to pet a TURKEY!